Naming Baby

Naming a baby is a serious task. Parents feel an enormous amount of pressure to pick the “right” name. And the reality of that situation is that the baby will become the name assigned to him or her, not the reverse. Denver and I have struggled coming up with names that we both like. A typical baby naming discussion involves one of us throwing a name out there and the other one gonging it because of some kid we knew in the 3rd grade who sucked at dodge ball having that same name. For the record, I was definitely that kid.

But the baby name discussions have been very entertaining to say the least. One of Denver’s greatest gifts (and hidden talents) is when he can just “roll” with something in comedic fashion. Lately, he’s been rolling with my name ideas. Let me give you a few examples of how Denver has reacted to a few of my ideas for baby names.

“What do you think about the name Astrid?”
“Asteroid?”
“No, Astrid.”
“Astrid? Astrid. It sounds like the main ingredient in a hemorrhoid cream. As in, ‘hey buddy how are your hemorrhoids?’ ‘oh I’m so glad you asked because they are much better, all thanks to the Astrid. I don’t know what I would’ve done without the Astrid.’”

Astrid is off the list.

“Howabout Gretchen, I like German sounding names”
“Gretchen?”
“Yes, Gretchen.”
“Gretchen. It sounds like a medical condition or something. Like, ‘Hey buddy, you coming out to the party tonight?’ ‘Oh no, I can’t man, I’ve got a real bad case of the Gretchen.”

And most recently...

“Do you like Parker?”
“Parker?”
“Yes, Parker.”
“I mean doesn’t that sounds a little over preppy as in, ‘hey let’s go by and pick up Parker on the way to the country club, his parents are always drinking some fabulous wine out on the patio. And he’s always wearing a perfectly pink polo, maybe even two polos. It’s fabulous.”
“I was actually thinking for a girl”
“Oh”

Parker is out.

We’ve got 14 weeks, that’s like a college semester. Plenty of time! Right?