I love people.

I’m a true flâneur- a people watcher, an observer. I like to drink it all in. This can be a good and a bad thing. Overly observant people can find themselves easily annoyed at something you’re observing obsessively. For me, my down fall is noise. I can hear Denver gulping down a bowl of cereal when I'm 20 yards away. It's annoying for all parties, but it isn't just family that I put under the microscope.

Take the lady next to me in the locker room today. Every move she made was accompanied by a loud moan or a groan. Taking off her socks, “Aaaaah!” Reaching into her gym bag, “Gaaaah!” It didn’t look like she had been working out hard or anything- no signs of sweat. It’s like she thought groaning and grunting would make it seem like she had a tougher work out then was actually the case.

Who are these people who make noises to themselves? You know who I’m talking about. Take the deep sigher in line behind you at the coffee shop. Is that their way of engaging conversation, a deep sigh? I think I prefer the genuinely rude person who just blurts out, “Could you hurry up with those cappuccinos???” These noisemakers are all over town these days, in the midst of the holiday season everyone has a “tsk” and a “grr” up their sleeve somewhere.

And then there are the mumblers. These are the people who are less passive aggressive than the noisemakers but not quite confident enough to be 100% all-out rude. Back to the coffee line, there was fella behind me at Starbucks who would not let up about the prices for the coffee and all the fancy drinks (um, where have you been buddy?). He kept on mumbling to himself, “All I want is a drip coffee, I just want coffee, what do I need to do get some plain old coffee, how much do they want for this coffee, this is ridiculous.” He had no patience for the chick ordering the no-whip, half-calf, soy, sugar-free latte. At first, you think maybe this guy is on a cell phone or with a friend but then you realize he’s just nuts and looking for someone to commiserate with- not it fella.

Is it any wonder that everyone is wearing an ipod these days?

Welcome to the Third Trimester

So it’s pretty obvious that I’m pregnant. Even in my fluffy down “sleeping bag” of a coat you can tell. Either that or, as Denver says, “It looks like your trying to steal something from (fill in the blank for wherever we are at the moment).”

It’s a study in psychology- the “showing” of the belly. For the longest time you feel like nothing special is happening because there are no physical signs. But you want so badly to look pregnant because no one can tell that something very special is happening and you want everyone to know, kind of. Then suddenly you pop a bit but you just look fat. I mean, it just looks like you over indulged on beer and pizza, so you’re excited that there is proof but no one would dare say anything to you about that new edition in your gut. But then all of the sudden it’s like “BAM” you’re full blown pregnant. And then you just can’t believe it. Denver took this picture last night and I had him take like 5 shots because every time I checked the screen I just couldn’t believe that I was really that big. And you’re kind of oblivious to the whole thing. I had no idea how far my belly was sticking out. I need to spend more time in front of a mirror I guess.

Old Wives' Tales

Since Denver and I elected not to find out the sex of the baby in the somewhat fool-proof medical method of the ultrasound, I've turned to old wives' tales. There are literally dozens of websites with "quizes" you can take to determine the sex of your unborn child. I'd like to list the "symptoms" that are pointing to the different sexes below. Basically, I am clueless!

Things that make me think it's a boy:

1) I still have a waistline. Dwindling as it may be, I have a slight indentation at my natural waist. Apparently when you carry a girl, this whole area fills out very early on in the pregnancy.
2) No morning sickness. I never really had morning sickness. I had 1 or 2 moments where I felt icky, but I never had true nausea day in and day out.
3) Linea Nigra. What the heck is Linea Nigra you ask? It is a line that all women have that runs from your rib cage down to your pubic bone. When you become pregnant, your skin pigment changes and the line darkens. Not everyone gets this, but when it runs from top to bottom, they say it's a boy. From the belly button down, it's a girl. Mine runs top to bottom!
4) Denver hasn't gained a pound- allegedly the husband gains sympathy weight when you carry a girl.
5) I love the color blue.

Things that make me think it's a girl:
1) Acne. I've heard this one can signal in either direction but my skin definitely hasn't improved during the pregnancy. I thought I was supposed to be glowing? Maybe that happens next.
2) Hair. My hair is not the same awesome head of hair I had six months ago. They say if your hair improves in texture it's a boy, if it becomes dull/icky then it's a girl.
3) Cravings. I can't get enough sweets. I mean, I probably could but I haven't tested the limits quite yet. It's so great to be pregnant around the holidays, I mean, I have license to eat anything in any quantity- sweets in particular.
4) Chinese Birth Predictor Calendar says girl. This might be the most compelling of all the tests.
5) I like wearing pink.

For the love of cookies

I love Google. What did we do before Google? Yahoo, ask jeeves, altavista- these are all sad and unfortunate alternatives to the one and only Google. Google can settle bets, end arguments and locate far corners of the Earth within minutes, seconds even.

We've had two boxes of Thin Mints (yes, the one and only Girl Scout cookie, heaven-sent) in the freezer since I began my pregnancy. Very early on I vowed that these two boxes could last me the full 40 weeks. It was a hope and a promise to myself at the same time. With twelve weeks to go I'm getting a little frantic. I have 6 cookies left and they could all be gone in seconds. SECONDS!

So in the hopes of ending this crisis I just Googled "where can I buy girl scout cookies." Nothing. Not even Google can help me at this point. I am at the beck and call of some little uniformed do-gooder going house to house (me, 20 years ago). I did discover that you can find them on ebay- but the Thin Mint supply was thin, for lack of a better word.

If anyone hears about Girls Scout cookies for sale anywhere, anywhere at all, please send me some Thin Mints. I'll make it worth your while.

CHA-CHING!

Organic Baby

When I first became pregnant I bought a book about having an organic pregnancy, whatever that means. It was ridiculous. Not only was it written by two completely unqualified persons (journalists, oy) but what they claimed was completely unvalidated and lacked any substantial evidence to support their claims. In their view, if you didn't go out and buy a new 'organic' mattress, repaint your walls with 'organic' paint, and install a thousand dollar water filter, you were poisoning your fetus. Not to slant anyone's opinion of the publication, but I think they both worked for the New York Times at some point. If you are reading this and that media outlet still holds a positive place in your mind, stop reading and never come back to this blog again.

The truth is I buy into of that line of thinking a little bit- I take fish oil, I try to eat organic foods, and I have a soft spot for the environment. But you can't believe everything that you read or hear anymore. Just this week a huge report came out which debunks the idea that multivitamin supplements of any kind (fish oil, vitamin E, etc) are good for your health. In fact, the study claimed that multivitamins could actually be harmful to your health. Jeez-o-Pete! If you actually paid attention to every study that came out you'd be changing all of your habits on a weekly basis. Coffee is good, no it's bad. Wine is bad, no it's good. Broccoli is good, no it's just okay.

What I've learned is two-fold: 1) Don't listen to anything that anyone on TV says unless you've read their resume and they have legitimate research & scholastic merit in their background (this excludes every single news journalist and most of their guests) and 2) Everything in moderation. Want a donut? Then eat one. ONE. Eat a dozen and you're on your own, but one isn't going to kill you. Same goes for everything else that is allegedly terrible for you. Except crack. Crack really is whack.

And when you're pregnant you enter a whole new world of data-mined statistics. I've read that one glass of wine on occasion can:

a) lead to delinquency in the teenage years (Um, weren't we all a little delinquent for a moment in time during that period?)

b) create more relaxed toddlers (maybe because their mothers aren't freaking out about drinking one glass of wine?)

and/or

c) cause learning disabilities. Now I had a lisp and couldn't tell time until I was like 5 and my mom never touched the stuff- so what does that tell you? Nothing.

The lesson today is as follows- if you want to prove something is good or bad, you can always find the statistics to back that up. In the meantime, stop watching the news, it's all malarkey. Except for that bit about Illinois being the most corrupt state for political officials, that is actually true.

Happy Friday!

In this overly PC world, I should put out a disclaimer about my previous blog. I happen to like all three names that I poked fun at- so if you know an Astrid, a Parker, or a Gretchen, call me because I don't believe you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, but seriously please don't be offended. The hilarity of those names was simply in Denver's assessment of their applicability (or lack there of) to our unborn child.

I can just see us in the delivery room going back and forth and back and forth about names. I can, just as clearly, see me getting wheeled out of the hospital to the car, baby in arms, flipping through a baby name book. Maybe we'll just toss a coin and name the baby after some derivative of the letters on that side of the coin. Anyone every meet a Pluribus?

Naming Baby

Naming a baby is a serious task. Parents feel an enormous amount of pressure to pick the “right” name. And the reality of that situation is that the baby will become the name assigned to him or her, not the reverse. Denver and I have struggled coming up with names that we both like. A typical baby naming discussion involves one of us throwing a name out there and the other one gonging it because of some kid we knew in the 3rd grade who sucked at dodge ball having that same name. For the record, I was definitely that kid.

But the baby name discussions have been very entertaining to say the least. One of Denver’s greatest gifts (and hidden talents) is when he can just “roll” with something in comedic fashion. Lately, he’s been rolling with my name ideas. Let me give you a few examples of how Denver has reacted to a few of my ideas for baby names.

“What do you think about the name Astrid?”
“Asteroid?”
“No, Astrid.”
“Astrid? Astrid. It sounds like the main ingredient in a hemorrhoid cream. As in, ‘hey buddy how are your hemorrhoids?’ ‘oh I’m so glad you asked because they are much better, all thanks to the Astrid. I don’t know what I would’ve done without the Astrid.’”

Astrid is off the list.

“Howabout Gretchen, I like German sounding names”
“Gretchen?”
“Yes, Gretchen.”
“Gretchen. It sounds like a medical condition or something. Like, ‘Hey buddy, you coming out to the party tonight?’ ‘Oh no, I can’t man, I’ve got a real bad case of the Gretchen.”

And most recently...

“Do you like Parker?”
“Parker?”
“Yes, Parker.”
“I mean doesn’t that sounds a little over preppy as in, ‘hey let’s go by and pick up Parker on the way to the country club, his parents are always drinking some fabulous wine out on the patio. And he’s always wearing a perfectly pink polo, maybe even two polos. It’s fabulous.”
“I was actually thinking for a girl”
“Oh”

Parker is out.

We’ve got 14 weeks, that’s like a college semester. Plenty of time! Right?