Because, you know, I'm like all zenned out

http://allzennedout.blogspot.com/

What we've been up to

Catching up on my shows.

Having snacks with Daddy.

Enjoying the summer!

Hanging out with my cousins, naked.

Some light shopping.

You haven't missed much

I know, I have been beyond delinquent about blogging. But these picture prove that you haven't missed much. First, lakeside with Cheerios, shades, and a smirk. Next, here we are, back at the Nordstrom shoe department lusting after a balloon, this time armed with Cheerios. Cheerios are basically the reason I can go out in public with Helena, fearlessly. Thank you Mr. Cheerio.

Firsts

Firsts are funny with babies. Everyone gets all riled up about all sorts of firsts and the truth is that the most memorable ones are the most ridiculous.

For example, I can't exactly recall the first smile, the first wave or the first 'mama' but I absolutely remember the first time Helena pooped in the tub. Because it was yesterday.

The bath went great until right about the time I went for the last scrub which is, well you know, the privates (doesn't that seem like a lewd descriptor?) at which time I discovered the stuff, shall we say.

Helena thought it was hilarious. I wrapped her up in a towel and Daddy saved the day by walking in the door right on cue. He held the little bundle while I scrubbed down the tub and re-dipped for sanitation purposes.

She was squeeky clean until today at lunch when she decided to pretend she was washing her hair with her grubby little fingers. Back to the tub...

And she just keeps on walking...

The Original Multi-tasker

Need I say more?

Helena loves balloons

We all have our vices. Helena's vice is her unrequited love for all things balloon. Pictures of balloons, balloons from a distance, and best of all balloons up close and personal. She tries to snuggle with the balloons, she points and yaks at the balloons, she is a bona fide balloon fanatic.

Here she is in the Nordies' children's shoe section where they brilliantly dole out balloons upon purchasing their pricey designer kicks. She's got the right idea- take Daddy to the shoe department.

One Year Photos (34 photos), by Kristen Hagan

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
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Get this stupid bow out of my hair already, geesh

My two favorite people

Really

As I was cruising down Lake Shore Drive this morning I noticed that operating in the Northbound lanes were a street cleaning vehicle and its pick-up truck escort.

Really, Chicago?

I mean we're all pulling the purse strings a little tighter these days, don't you think you could stop cleaning the highways for a while? Really? I mean, isn't that street cleaner doing the work of some guests at the Pen anyway? To windy for them out there today? Really?

I think I'd trade a few soda cans on the highway for a sales tax that is under 10%. Really.

St. Patty's Day

Today is a day in Chicago where all of the amateur party animals come out in full Irish regalia and act like it's St. Patrick's Day. Which is weird because it's not. Admittedly, I was once that lass. I drove 4 hours from Bloomington, Indiana with my partner in crime Anna, in my 1991 Volvo 240. At the end of the weekend, we went in the opposite direction under a cloud of headaches and embarrassing photographs. I even called Denver and asked him out to drinks over voicemail. Denied. 10 years later, I have managed to secure him in my web. Sucker.

Girl Scout Cookie Time

I'm going to go ahead and admit, to myself and anyone who reads this silly blog, that I just finished an entire sleeve of Thin Mints, all by myself. Without even a beverage. And I don't even feel gross or sick about it. In fact, if the box happened to come with a "bonus" sleeve of cookies, I might get started on that one too. As it were, this was the last sleeve of Thin Mints in the house. I need to get out and locate a girl scout, stat.

Helena Eve turns 1

My baby is one today. I'm sure this day will feel the same every year; reluctance to admit that Helena is slowly gaining her independence and a sense of anxiety that I am also getting older, but OH so much wiser.

Today, Helena will likely spend an extended amount of time in her new chair (thank you Aunt Tracy!). She sits in this thing like a princess holding court and barks orders- pointing at select items she seeks to amuse her.

We are also taking her first trip to the art museum, which should be an adventure in and of itself. How many squeals do they allow before you get kicked out? Let's go find out.

What a difference a year can make

I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since Helena was born. That cold snowy day-into night-into the crack of dawn will be forever engrained in my memory.

I was just reflecting on how much I've changed in the course of the year. It's no secret that before Helena I was NOT a baby person. I used to look at screaming babies and think, "shudddup!" Harsh, I know. Today it's a whole different story. Now I look at the screaming baby's parents and think, "What the hell are you doing?!" I resist the urge to grab the baby, give them a good squeeze and make everything better. At Target, for example, I saw a tiny little baby screaming his head off, glaring at his father. The dad says to his son, "Why are you so grumpy today?" The boy had NO footwear- no socks, no shoes, no blanket- nothing. By Chicago standards it is warm today (35), but not THAT warm. Yeah, not so much grumpy, as freezing my freaking feet off Dad! Geesh.

SO I'm still very easily annoyed, I've just redirected my angst. And rightly so.

Adventures in Babysitting

Helena is in a very clingy phase. I mean that literally. I often feel like a momma-Koala Bear. I'm starting to look like one too. So yesterday I woke up and said, "Today I'm going to the gym." Normally I reserve my gym trips for the weekend when Denver can play the roll of Momma. But on this particular morning I looked down at my waistline at one point and it was eerily reminiscient of one Miss Helena-Beana's. Babies are cute when they're fat. I'm not.

I dropped her off at the gym day-care, I took a swim and hopped out exhilerated and ready for a steam and shower. It was right then that the pager went off. Yes, they give you an Outback Steakhouse styled pager in exchange for your child and apparently if your child hiccup's- they page you about it.

So I walk in the day-care, soaking wet (with a swim cap on I might add), and there is little Helena sitting by herself in the middle of a tornado of babies, toddlers and kids. Of course she was upset. And then she saw me in my get-up and she REALLY got upset (no one looks good in a swim cap). All the while, the hourly employees were busying themselves with other things. No one had time to coddle my bug- so I did.

We went home. I'm done with that place.

Lint

I have a problem with proper pronunciation of certain words. Lent is one such word (I say lint), along with towel (tal, rhymes with pal) and crayon (crown). Maybe I should give up improper pronunciation for Lent? Naaaaah.

I'm listening to James Cameron being interviewed on NPR. It's basically an Avatar love fest. What is up with this movie? I mean, I just don't think I can get into a film where people turn blue and worship the rainforest. Is it me? It's him, right?

9th month (57 photos), by Kristen Hagan

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

10th month (127 photos), by Kristen Hagan

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

11th Month (98 photos), by Kristen Hagan

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

It doesn't get much better than this

Video of Helena laughing on YouTube

H's BFF

Helena is a very lucky girl in that she has quite a few friends. This is Keaton- one of her closest friends in age and common interests. Both girls love Cheerios, long walks, and gray leggings. And when they get together, it is cuteness overload!!

Photo site under construction

I'm working on a new album sharing site. As soon as I iron out all the kinks I'll post a link!

YOU LIE!!!

Denver and I turned the State of the Union address into a drinking game last night. Everytime Pelosi raised her eyebrows we had to take a sip of wine and when Joe Biden chuckled we had to do the same- we ran out of wine far too fast. By the way, how do those camera guys know right when to zoom in on the sleepy politician? I was sort of hoping for Joe Wilson to blurt out another insultory comment, but I'll just have to settle for the President, openly scolding the Supreme Court on national television. Talk about change...but then again, this is the same guy who basically slapped Queen Elizabeth on the back when they met.

Oh, and if you are tired of listening to me rant about the state of the union (get it??), don't you fret. I'm in the process of starting a NEW blog completely devoted to my opinions on the polictical front.

I hear an exotic bird. Helena has taken to rolling her tongue as her primary form of communication. She's like a cat mixed with a cockatoo.

Wine, all mine

Chicago is brimming with BYO restaurants, so Sunday night Denver and I had a date night for the first time in a long while with a favorite bottle of Pinot.

Now, I was a server for a cumulative amount of years and I've dealt with all sorts of scenarios- drunks, people who stiff you, people who stiff you because they are drunk and then come in with their heads hanging the next day. So I know my restaurant protocol and etiquette like anyone else in the service industry would, better even.

Because we brought our own bottle of wine we ordered a round of bubbly to start (good BYO etiquette) and got friendly with the waiter right away.

In hindsight, I think I don't think I liked our waiter from the get go (keep reading). He used words like, "stupid" and "dumb" to describe his favorite entrees. I hate it when people do that.

Anyway, so we have the guy open our bottle and a few minutes later I suggest that Denver offer him a sip. "Great idea," Denver concurs. This is a gracious way of saying, "Sorry we aren't buying a bottle of wine from you this evening."

So we offer the sip and I was sort of imagining that he would take a tiny pour, thank us profusely and leave us alone. Not the case.

He pretty much poured himself a full glass of our wine. It was at least 4 ounces. Denver couldn't get his jaw off the table for the next few minutes. And I wanted to slap the guy across the face. Who does that? In his defense, maybe it was an accident. A very stupid accident.

Off the reservation

When I was growing up I wanted to be a lawyer because I wanted to end all injustices and basically "fix" the world. My mom kindly (and wisely) told me I should probably avoid that field altogether because I would live a tirelessly frustrating existance. My goal was impossible.

Still today, I find myself pouring over the editorial pages shouting out loud, "idiots!" and watching blips of the news and screaming, "morons!" It's easy to criticize in the comfort of your own home.

But there is still something inside me that yearns to make everyone see what I see so clearly. It's not always partisan but my most recent outrage boiled from that source.

I'm currently reading SUPERFreakonomics and there is an interesting section on the rise in crime that erupted in the 60s. There were several facctors but mainly it was the advent of television that proved to be the prime culprit. That's a whole separate blog entry. What caught my attention in this chapter was that the ACLU has been suing jails for years and winning. They win nearly everytime. And what are they suing for? Why for the release of criminals. And why are they suing for that? Well because it's too crowded in those facilities. Heaven forbid that CRIMINALS are uncomfortable.

Is this what we've come to? Everyone gets a break once in a while, but criminals? We're talking about people who have taken the liberty to deprive others of their rights. So we reward them by releasing them early because their rights (why do they have rights again?) are imposed upon by a tight jail cell? Give me a break. Seriously.

So the real kicker is that in areas where the ACLU won and the criminals were released, violent crimes SPIKED as a result. You think? Really? It took a Nobel-worthy economist to figure this out? Helena could've surmised as much.

I'm going to go ahead and posit that all of the ACLU lawyers live in some cush little spot FAR FAR away from the nearest overcrowded prison.

What a bunch of idiots. I'm sorry I had to go down this road but the ACLU had it coming for them. This is my new favorite website.